as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
