Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
