me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
