SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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