Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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