How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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