just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
