I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
