I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
