Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
