Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
