just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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