I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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