i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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