At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
