It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
