If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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