we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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