We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
