maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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