I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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