ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
