If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I want to be your penis for a week.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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