youre lurking in front of me
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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