You smell like a Billy Joel song
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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