It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
