She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
