My friends, they love my intelligence
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
