Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
