Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
