sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
