I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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