By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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