alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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