I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The feeling are messing with the penis
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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