I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
