the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Redeem this text for a blowjob
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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