We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
