Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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