Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
