Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
