This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
