It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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