yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He passed out mid-signature
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
