yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i believe in u and ur pee
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
