The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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