never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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