Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
