There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
