sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
