I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
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