If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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