and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
