Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
