Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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