cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We had sex on a dog bed..
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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