Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize