ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just found a bag of teeth...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
