I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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