He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize