So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
