Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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