Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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