Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
