she woke up with a sticky ear
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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