my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
