dude i'm inner monologue high
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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