did you get engaged???
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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