I just made out with a guy for $7.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
