i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
