I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
