what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
