So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Dicks are not precious.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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