If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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