I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
