I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
